


Beginning Without Direction

by RivDeV



Category: Saiyuki (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Breathplay, Excessive Swearing, Light BDSM, Multi, Semi-Public Sex, Top!Sanzo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:14:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22060762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RivDeV/pseuds/RivDeV
Summary: Gojyo likes to believe that he’s left a trail of broken hearts and whispered accomplishments as they’ve travelled further and further West. He's starting to realize that reality, however, is quite different. And honestly? It's probably Sanzo's fault.
Relationships: Cho Hakkai & Sha Gojyo, Genjo Sanzo/Sha Gojyo, Sha Gojyo/Son Goku
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	Beginning Without Direction

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so excited to be posting this. Saiyuki has been near and dear to me for so many years and I'm glad I'm finally able to give back to this amazing community. I've written for Saiyuki before, but have never found the confidence to post, so I’m grateful to the lovely people who arranged the Secret Santa exchange this year for giving me a reason to finally do this. 
> 
> This is a gift for PawPatrolAir - I really tried to get in everything you were hoping for (if not in this chapter, in later ones). It was a challenge at first to figure out the dynamics as it isn’t a pairing I’ve written before, but it’s been lots of fun. I really hope you enjoy it.

Gojyo likes to believe that he’s left a trail of broken hearts and whispered accomplishments as they’ve travelled further and further West. He's starting to realize that reality, however, is quite different. And honestly? It's probably Sanzo's fault.

That’s what he’s going with at least. Because for the past few months he hasn't really felt the need to bed any of the numerous beautiful women he's met in town bars. He's flirted, of course, because that's just his nature and not something he can stop without actually actively thinking about, but that's all it's been. Casual flirting. Compliments. Leering looks. But he hasn't touched a single one: touched in the way that he usually would. Which _should_ be concerning, but somehow isn't.

Because the way Sanzo is sitting there, cigarette dangling from his lips, almost forgotten as he frowns at something he’s reading in the damp newspaper he’d used for cover from the rain on the way from the shop across the road to the inn they’re staying at, is somehow pulling all the worry from Gojyo’s body and leaving nothing but heat. It doesn’t help that he’s forgone his robes tonight - clad in just black and jeans.

Gojyo just doesn’t get it. He likes women. He should be chasing after them like always, but none of them have caught his interest. (Although, to be fair, he should be honest - he doesn't like women exclusively, he's more of an 'equal-opportunist', but he does prefer them for various reasons, like availability.)

“What?” Sanzo says without looking up. It sounds like he’s clenching his teeth. Or maybe it’s the tension in his jaw that Gojyo’s noticing.

“Nut’in’,” Gojyo mumbles around his own cigarette. 

"Then stop staring," he says, still without looking up from his paper. 

Gojyo shrugs and leans back in his chair to stare at the ceiling. Talk about awkward and stilted. If only he could bring himself to go downstairs to the inn’s bar and chat up the cute waitress he saw earlier. He's sure that, if the two of them were tucked away in the back part of the kitchen, with just a few words he could get her skirt up around her waist. But Sanzo is here - not down in the bar. And for some damn reason, that makes all the difference in the world.

"Is it necessary for you to sit there and stare at me? Isn't there something more productive you could be doing?" Sanzo all-but growls at him. 

Gojyo shrugs again. "Not staring anymore."

Sanzo flips down his paper and finally looks at Gojyo. "Jackass. You know what I mean."

"Never really been a productive person," Gojyo grins, slumping further down into his chair. 

"No shit," Sanzo mutters. "Congratulations on being self-aware for once."

"I try." 

"Are you seriously just going to sit there? Isn't there some woman downstairs you'd rather go annoy?"

Gojyo stops himself from making a noise of frustration (actually, he's not sure if it would be a noise of frustration or anger). Fuck. Even Sanzo can see it. "The monkey said he was going with Hakkai to find a new pack of cards," he says instead of just telling Sanzo what he's brooding about. 

Sanzo looks at him over his glasses for a moment, trying to see if Gojyo's lying, but it seems he takes the statement to mean that Gojyo’s actually just waiting to play a round or two and not hanging around for more malicious purposes. "Hn." He goes back to his paper, tension still in his jaw, but looking a little less on-edge. 

Gojyo has to choke back the sigh that's sitting in his throat. What is wrong with him? He's not even the slightest bit annoyed at himself for not taking the 'out' and leaving the room. 

It should be concerning that he hasn't been the heartbreaker that he usually is. It really should. Because that's what he is - that's the core of his personality: perpetual flirt. At least, that's what Hakkai and Sanzo would say. Or maybe it's 'womanizer'? He's not sure. Is there a difference between flirt and womanizer? Maybe he should ask Hakkai. Whatever.

The point is, he's somehow missing the major cornerstone of his personality and he doesn't seem to care. Is it the 'missing' part that should worry him, or the 'not caring' part that's worse? Does it matter? Maybe. Maybe it's another thing he should ask Hakkai. He's not really good with this kind of stuff. 

There's been just a few times in his life that he's let up on his 'womanizing' status, but none of those situations seem to apply here.

There was one time back when he was living with Banri that he came down with the most _terrible_ flu. He'd been bed-ridden for more than two weeks and barely been able to drag himself to the bathroom to take a shit, let alone think about going out to find a good lay. He'd been more concerned about _not dying_ (of dehydration, or fever, or whatever else was shutting his body down) than falling into bed with someone. 

Still, he vaguely remembers thinking that he'd rather die during an orgasm than lying in bed sweating through the sheets. Yeah, he remembers it being that rough. Especially without anyone there to take care of him. So, at the time, he hadn’t been overly concerned about his libido abandoning him. 

Not that he's concerned about his libido right now. No. That is still very much healthy. His dick still rises at the slightest hint of sex, so he can rule out 'illness'. 

And it's not like there's a girl that he's hung up on that’s taking his attention. He rarely gets ‘crushes’ like that anyway, and if he does, they barely last more than a week, if they happen at all. 

Past those couple oddities, he can't seem to think of any other reasons he might be lackluster in the womanizing department. 

He doesn't really remember when womanizing became part of his personality. He doesn't really want to think too hard about it either because he probably won't like what he comes up with. He probably learned it from his brother. The motherfucker. Literally. Geezus. He doesn't remember caring all that much about the sexual nature of women at a young age, but he was always keenly aware of it. 

Maybe it had come when he hit puberty? (Although the 'interest' in sex came before that.) He'd rather not think about that time of his life, though. 

He picks the liner out of his cigarette pack and tears it apart with blunt fingernails until it eventually resembles a square. He can feel Sanzo glancing up at him, probably pissed off that he can't sit still for more than half a minute. He folds the scrap of liner until he's left with a tiny origami crane. He places it down next to the ashtray. One down, 999 to go, apparently. Eternal happiness, right? 

He starts ripping up the liner again for another square. Sanzo slams his hand down on top of his hands. 

"Huh?" Gojyo looks from the black-gloved hands up to the bare bicep, then up to Sanzo's face. He looks pissed off. 

"You're worse than Goku sometimes, you know," he hisses. "If you can't sit still, just fucking leave." He removes his hand so he can push his glasses up his nose. "And put out your damn cigarette before you burn your fucking face off."

Gojyo reaches up and plucks his forgotten cigarette from between his lips. It's burnt right down to the filter. "Been watching my lips, huh?" He teases with a bit of a grin as he smudges the filter out in the ashtray. 

Sanzo sneers at him, but doesn't deny it. 

"Wanna fuck?" Gojyo can't help but ask. 

"Right now?" Sanzo glares at him. "Are you fucking shitting me?"

"What? Why not?"

"You've just spent the past half hour pissing me off and you're really asking if I'm the fucking mood?"

"Doesn't hurt to ask," Gojyo shrugs. 

"I could make it hurt," Sanzo threatens. 

"Ooo. Kinky. Sure you're not in the mood?"

"Fuck off."

Well, there goes that idea. He'd been hoping that he might gain a bit more insight into this whole thing if he'd just had a quicky with Sanzo. Or maybe the problem is that it's pretty much only Sanzo he's been having sex with the past couple months. Maybe he just needs to force himself to have sex with a stranger. 

Oh. Maybe that's it. His only two partners since that seamstress he had, what, three months back?, have been Sanzo and Goku. Maybe he's just become accustomed to the ease of access they grant him. Except, well, Sanzo isn't exactly _easy_. He refuses more times than he agrees. Goku is easier to convince, for sure, but despite that, the two of them don't have sex that often. And if he really just cared about the convenience then he probably would have approached Hakkai about a similar arrangement ages ago. 

Maybe it’s because he’s not getting the ‘full meal deal’. Sanzo won’t let him anywhere near his ass, and Gojyo isn’t super into that either. It’s just been handjobs, and on the rare occasion, blowjobs. Maybe he just needs to stick his dick in something.

Fuck it. It's been a long day and if he's not actually bothered about his playboy status- shit, that's the word he wants. Playboy. Better than womanizer. At least it captures the fluidity of his sexuality a bit better. Anyway, if he's not actually bothered by it, then who gives a fuck? Not him. 

And besides, it's too much effort to actually put deep thought into it. If he really wants to figure it out, then he'll probably have to delve into his past a bit too much, and fuck it, that's really way too much fucking effort and way too much trauma he doesn't have the time or mental capacity to deal with. If he's surviving just fine like this, there's no need to upset the status quo, is there? Nah. It's better if he just forgets it. He's good at ignoring problems. 

"Didn't I just tell you to fuck off?" Sanzo asks, annoyed. 

"Yeah. Wait. You actually meant _fuck off_?" 

" _Yes_." Sanzo growls.

"Hey, wait, what? I ask for sex and you kick me out?"

"Yes. Fuck off. Go find someone else. I'm not going to change my mind if you sit here and stare at me."

"Not trying to change your mind. Consent is sexy."

Sanzo clenches his teeth in frustration. "You're giving me a fucking headache. Why the fuck did you ask, then?"

"Bored?" Gojyo says as more of a question than an answer. He doesn't really know why himself.

"I'm not here to entertain you, asshole."

"You're the one who was staring at my mouth. I thought maybe-"

"I wasn't-

"I got them!" Goku yells as he slams the door open and bounds into the room, a brand new pack of cards clutched in his hand. The last set they had was lost in the river they crossed yesterday.

Sanzo's teeth click and he snaps his mouth closed. Right. They don't talk about that kind of stuff in front of the other two. Which is ridiculous, because, honestly, they probably both know. Hakkai is the furthest thing from an idiot, not to mention, Gojyo's told him already (and he hadn't been surprised). And Goku may be a bit dense sometimes, but when it comes to people he's pretty astute. Scratch that - when it comes to _Sanzo_ the idiot knows everything. 

Gojyo has half a mind to just say 'hey, give us a sec, we're fighting about having sex' if only to see what Sanzo's reaction might be. He'd probably get shot for that. Christ, does he have a death wish? 

"Shit, monkey, you gotta be so loud? Sanzo was trying to meditate, weren't you?" He turns to give Sanzo the most obvious wink. 

"Go fuck yourself," Sanzo replies without thinking, and then immediately looks like he regrets it. 

A grin splits Gojyo's face. It doesn't matter if there's retribution, he's not going to leave that one hanging. "I was gonna save that for later tonight, unless you're offering to help now?"

Sanzo has to push his glasses up to his forehead to he can pinch the bridge of his nose as if to stave off a headache. The tension in his jaw has returned. 

"Gojyo, please be more aware of your actions," Hakkai chides as he pushes into the room behind Goku, a single grocery bag in one arm and Hakuryuu perched on his shoulders. "Sanzo's had a headache most of the day." 

"And you're not helping," Sanzo says as a way of admitting Hakkai's right. 

"I don't see the problem," Gojyo says, grinning even wider as he tips his chair back onto its back legs. "Sex is a great way of reducing blood pressure."

Goku groans, "Really? That's what you're going with?"

"Yeah, didn't Hakkai give you _the talk_ ages ago? You know blood rushes to-"

"I know!" Goku interrupts him. For someone who's given Gojyo some of the best blowjobs he's ever had, he still acts pretty innocent. 

"Is it too much to ask for a quiet night?" Sanzo grumbles. He's putting pressure on his temples now. Maybe he actually does have a headache. It would explain why he turned Gojyo down. 

"Ah, Sanzo," Hakkai sighs as he unpacks the groceries, "you know that's an impossible request when these two are involved."

"Apparently."

"Gojyo's the one who started it," Goku whines and chucks the pack of cards at Gojyo. 

He catches the cards easily, but almost topples backwards. He has to hook his foot on the leg of the table to pull himself back from the edge of losing his balance. The table jostles, which makes the elbow Sanzo's resting on one edge slip. Gojyo gets a full glare, but no harsh words and no gun in his face. Wow. Sanzo really must have a headache. Bad enough of one he isn't willing to exert the effort to really lay into Gojyo.

"Alright, alright, what didya wanna play tonight, chimp?" Gojyo asks, telling himself that he should stop trying to provoke Sanzo. 

"Something quiet," Sanzo says before either of them can suggest something like Crazy Eights that always ends up with yelling and sometimes fist fights. 

"If you're feeling up to playing, Sanzo, I can teach everyone how to play bridge."

"Oh god, Hakkai, no way," Gojyo protests, "only people over 50 play that."

"I don't think that's a fair assessment, Gojyo, if you only took a chance and-"

"Although," Gojyo interrupts his friend (because if he doesn't, he knows that Hakkai will end up convincing him), "I suppose Sanzo's a geezer at heart, so maybe he'll be interested."

Sanzo doesn't even both with the 'fuck off' this time, but instead the fan snaps though the air, stinging Gojyo's hand - the only part of him that's really in reach. 

"Shit, really?" Sanzo hasn't smacked him for ages now. He must really be in a bad mood. He probably shouldn't antagonize, but he's feeling unsettled at not being unsettled, and he's already decided it's Sanzo's fault, so he knows he'll end up taking it out on him. 

"Hakkai, there's no point in trying to get these idiots to learn something new tonight." Sanzo ignores Gojyo.

"I see," Hakkai nods. 

Gojyo looks between the two of them. There's something unspoken there, even if Sanzo is pretending to read his paper again and not making eye contact. 

"I suppose we can just try to keep ourselves entertained with poker again," Hakkai sighs sadly, but the grunt he receives from Sanzo pretty much confirms that he isn't going to be putting in any extra effort. 

Goku groans. "Do we have ta? It's not fun since Hakkai always wins. I was hoping ta have a good chance at winning somethin' tonight cuz it's a new deck and Gojyo can't hide cards anywhere without us noticin'."

"Hey," Gojyo protests. "I almost never do that!"

Goku sticks his tongue out at him. "Na, you cheat all the time. It's the only way you can win."

"Fuck you," Gojyo sasses back, standing, readying himself for a physical fight, "I can win without cheating. You're just using excuses." He tosses the cards back at Goku who catches them deftly.

"Both of you shut up," Sanzo growls. "Didn't I just tell you to play something quiet? If you're going to fight about it, you're not playing."

"Shit man, you really got a stick up your ass tonight, don't you? Oh, wait, maybe it's because you don't-" He cuts himself off when Sanzo pulls out his gun and cocks it. It's not aimed at him, but it's still a threat. 

"Blackjack," Hakkai says into the tense silence. "We can switch dealers. Should result in less arguments, don't you think, Sanzo?"

"Hn," Sanzo slides the pistol back into his jeans. 

"I'll make some tea," Hakkai sets off to put the non-perishable groceries into their packs and boil some water. 

Gojyo sighs and sits back down in his chair, purposefully jostling the table to annoy Sanzo. Hakkai distracts him by slipping him a brand new pack of Hi-lites. 

Goku sets about unwrapping the new deck and finding a spot at the table next to Sanzo and across from Gojyo. He does concede and hand them to Gojyo to properly shuffle. He's been playing cards for so much of his life he's got deft fingers that make light of randomizing the ordered cards. He knows all the tricks, the impressive displays, and the sleight-of-hands. He knows it's a flashy talent, but he's a little surprised that Sanzo is actually watching him. He makes sure to throw in a couple tricks that look pretty fancy. He can't help but be a showoff. It's in his nature.

Hakkai's back with the tea by the time Gojyo hands the deck back to Goku. Goku makes a show of looking at each one, as if Gojyo had time to switch out or mark cards, and then shuffles them himself. 

Hakkai takes first deal, and they switch easily between each round. They try to bet on it, but none of them have any coins and Goku's mental math still isn't the best, so he keeps forgetting what his total is and how much everyone's bet, so they give up on it. Besides, there hasn't been any point in gambling with real money between them for a long time as they're all technically broke. Sometimes they bet with chores or pennies, but it's almost always Hakkai's win (at least overall) so they try not to often. If Gojyo really wants some extra cash he'll go find a card table in town and make a few bucks: enough for a pack or two of cigarettes he keeps as an emergency rations and for extra beers when he doesn't have Sanzo's gold card to pay his tab. 

It's a couple hours later that they all decide to call it quits. Gojyo's positive Hakkai resorted to card counting halfway through because he won over half the rounds and Gojyo's no slouch. Sanzo isn't either, honestly, and the monkey could probably clean up a casual table if he really put his mind to it after all the practice he's had with them. It's probably a good thing they didn't bet anything tangible on the game. Gojyo would have wound up doing campsite clean-up with Goku for weeks. Not that he doesn't help out with that, just that when Hakkai knows he isn't going to clean he usually gets extra-messy on purpose. 

When the table is cleared, Hakkai heads to the bathroom to clean up before bed and Goku follows, but Gojyo isn't tired. There's still an energy zipping under his skin. 

Sometimes it happens when they've spent the day sitting in Jeep. Other times it's because the day's been full of close-calls and the adrenaline takes forever to leave. And sometimes it's just a general restlessness about what’s coming. 

He tries not to dwell on what the future holds for him since it's such a crap shoot. Some weeks are endlessly spent with hours travelling and seeing no one but each other, and others with an attack every two hours. Both are just as draining. At least he can prepare for those kinds of weeks. He tries to get out as much as he can in the towns they stop in - talk to new people, hear new stories. Or he'll find a bath and spend hours just soaking and letting his muscles relax. 

But overall? He doesn't know what to expect. They've had some pretty big obstacles beyond the pretty regular youkai fights. And some _really_ close calls. They've persevered so far, but it's obvious it's getting tougher and tougher the further West they go. The next obstacle might be their last. And who knows what the fuck they'll find if they ever do make it all the way there. In the end, even though he's prepared as best he can be, he doesn't know if he'll survive the next day. If he thinks too hard about it, sometimes that makes him restless. So he tries not to think about it. 

Tonight he's not thinking about the future, but instead the past. Goddamn Sanzo. If he's not going to blame himself, he's going to blame the priest. Maybe it's the increase in their _relations_. And the decrease in other _relations_. Crap. And now he's back to thinking about the same shit that he was before the card game. 

"I'm going outside for a smoke," he announces to the room. Hakkai won't let him sit up and smoke if he's trying to get sleep, and Gojyo doesn't actually want to keep his friend awake longer than need be. He can nap in the back of Jeep, but Hakkai doesn't have the same luxury. 

Sanzo makes a noise of affirmation. Gojyo can feel eyes on him as he takes the nearly empty pack with the ripped liner and heads for the door. 

The air is cool and sweet after the earlier rain. They're at the tag end of winter so there's still a nip to the air, but no snow on the ground. The rain was short and strong, and the ground is damp, but not full of puddles. The night air seems to pull the heat from his skin. Physically and metaphorically. Being away from Sanzo's amethyst eyes makes it easier to breathe. It always has. Maybe it's because the monk gets under his skin in a way that no one else does. He always gets him riled up. It was always inevitable that that tension would eventually ended up manifesting physically, and not just in fists and jabs, but in lips and teeth. 

It's not like Sanzo didn't know that Gojyo rode the thin line of passion between anger and arousal. It was Sanzo that had started the whole thing anyway. The number of times Gojyo had jokingly suggested showing Sanzo just how talented he was in bed, all it took was one 'fine' from Sanzo's end to land them where they are now - pretending not to be finding pleasure in each other regularly while being casual enough about it that it isn't awkward. 

Gojyo just loves playing on the edge of things, doesn't he? Maybe that's why he was gifted with Shakujou instead of Nyoi-bo. 

The smoke from his cigarette curls lazily around his face and then upwards, making the stars above him twinkle in an out around the tendrils. 

"So you actually came out here for a smoke," Sanzo's voice hums in the night. 

"Mmn?" Gojyo lazily turns towards the voice. Just one edge of Sanzo's face is lit from the inn's light around the corner. It casts his jaw into sharp relief, the hard edges of the cheekbones, and the bright shine of his stormy eyes blown wide as he peers at Gojyo lounging in the dark shadows of the building's walls. He looks dark and dangerous, yet still so fucking ethereal it isn't fair. How can one man look so gorgeous? 

Before Sanzo had come cursing into his life, Gojyo would have proudly said he was the most attractive guy he knew. He's not taking anything away from Hakkai, but Gojyo's perfectly aware of his own attributes - for better or worse. His looks have been the one thing that's carried him through life. They've been a curse in some respects, but have saved his ass in more than enough ways to make up for the shit times. He's relied on his looks to get through some of the tough shit. Homeless? Flash a smile at a pretty ingenue with room in their bed to spare. In someone's bad books? Give them an offer they would never usually get from someone with a symmetrical face. Feeling worthless? Show up to the bar dressed in tight jeans and cocky attitude and bask in the attention. 

Sanzo, however, has never used his looks to get anything as far as Gojyo knows. In fact, he seems keener to ignore them than to use them as an asset, which seems unfair. If Gojyo was that gorgeous he'd be working it in his favour. 

Sanzo's still looking at him in the dim of the alleyway and Gojyo thinks there's a lot he'd do just to keep that gaze on him. 

"I thought you'd gone off to find someone to take the edge off." Sanzo says. 

"You make it sound like I'm a sex addict looking for a fix."

"You aren't?"

Gojyo shrugs. "Maybe."

Sanzo just stares at him. And Gojyo keeps quiet because apparently that's what it takes to keep Sanzo's attention tonight. 

"Why'd you follow me out here then, if you thought I was hooking up with some chick?" Gojyo can't stop himself from asking. "Wanted a peek? You into voyeurism?" He's curious. Sanzo's never initiated sex with him, just agreed or refused when Gojyo offers. Thinking about Gojyo's sex life is something he usually complains about. 

Sanzo doesn't say anything, which makes Gojyo even more curious. The silence is saying more than Sanzo does. The only thing is, Gojyo doesn't know how to interpret it. 

"That it? If you wanted to watch, you just hadda ask."

Sanzo doesn't rise to the bait, although Gojyo can see the twitch in his jaw that means he's repressing some choice words. 

"Shit, man, I just wanted a smoke," he continues. “You know Hakkai woulda kicked me out so he could sleep. That's the problem with four to a room instead of just two." 

"Never stopped you before," Sanzo says, voice quieter than Gojyo expected. 

"Fuck, I thought you had a headache. Why're you out here? Just spit it out. I'm not in the mood for pussyfooting around." Gojyo finally snaps. He drops his second to last cigarette to the ground and stomps it out with his boot. 

"You're the one giving me a headache," Sanzo snaps back, unable to hold back like he was before. 

"Then why the fuck you out here? I was joking, but maybe you really did wanna come watch me fuck some nameless chick in the back alley."

Sanzo finally steps closer to him, a snarl showing in the lines on his face with that sliver of backlighting. "You're pissing me off." He growls.

"Then leave," Gojyo snaps back. 

Sanzo glares at him for a hot moment, then turns on his heel to head back around the corner to the inn. Gojyo reaches out and grabs his wrist without thinking and Sanzo whirls back on him, gun out and flashing the same hard edges as his face. 

Gojyo's pressed up against the wall in half a second, the grip he had on Sanzo's wrist turned around and now Sanzo's boney fingers are pressing into the tendons of his wrist, making the bones grind together. The gun nestles right under his chin, cold. 

"What the fuck is up with you tonight?" Gojyo hisses at him, but not bothering to push him away. If he can't get answers out of him, he'll just have to do with physical attention. God, he's so fucking needy. Maybe Sanzo's right - he's an addict looking for his next fix. Is he looking for just sex? Or maybe he's also looking for that edge. Between pain and pleasure. Between hate and affection. Between friends and enemies. Whatever it is, he wants it. 

"I could ask you the same thing. You've been spacey."

"Spacey." Gojyo repeats blandly, although he can feel that heat prickling just under his skin with the knowledge that Sanzo, apparently, has been watching him all night. Has been thinking about how he's acting out of the norm. He knows what's normal for Gojyo. Even Hakkai hadn't noticed anything, and Hakkai's usually the first one to pick up on Gojyo's moods. 

"More spacey than usual." Sanzo reiterates, fingers tightening just a fraction on his wrist, but the pressure of the gun on the soft spot under his jaw lessens.

"I think 'spacey' is a term you should be using for Goku instead," Gojyo says, watching the way Sanzo's eyes still manage to flicker in the dark. 

"You're just as much of an idiot as he is." 

"Think 'spacey' is different from 'idiot', although you might wanna check with Hakkai about that. You know he's got a pocket dictionary packed away in his bag, right?"

"Shut the fuck up. Spacey, idiot, it doesn't matter. You've been acting weird since we got here. It's putting me on edge. Tell me or not, I don't give a shit, but either way, stop."

"Since you asked soooo nicely," Gojyo says with as much sarcasm as he can muster, "I'll stop. Or, wait. I mean, I _would_. If I knew what I was doing." He knows exactly what it is. He's been thinking about Sanzo, but there's no fucking way he's going to come out and say that right to his face. 

"Godfuckingdamnit, Gojyo." Sanzo growls in warning, the tip of the gun pressing back up into his throat, making him tilt his head up until he's looking down past his nose at Sanzo. 

Instead of lashing out like he usually would, Gojyo keeps the rest of his body still, but makes the same small little maneuver Sanzo used on him to twist his wrist out of Sanzo's grasp and turn it back on him. 

Sanzo doesn't look surprised. He lets Gojyo grab his wrist this time; although Gojyo's a little nicer than Sanzo was. The gun doesn't waver from its spot. Sanzo is surprisingly calm as Gojyo gently twists them, pivoting around his hold on Sanzo's wrist and slowly and surely flips their positions until Sanzo's back is against the wall, his trapped wrist pressed firmly against the stone. He doesn't fight it.

Gojyo lowers his head, pressing the tender part of his throat against the barrel of the gun, pushing Sanzo's stance down until they're almost eye-to-eye again. He looks over his face, trying to see if he can tell Sanzo's intentions just by his expression, but as always, there's nothing there. It's not blank, no - it's obvious he's observing Gojyo, but he's not giving anything away about what he's feeling, and that's the most frustrating part for Gojyo. 

He knows he's good at reading people. He made his living off reading people - and not just cards. He knows just the words to use to pick up women; more importantly, he knows which women will be open to advances. He's not a playboy for nothing: his reputation comes from success. Living on the streets has given him insight into even the foulest of human motivations. He knows people well. When Hakkai gets after him for being callous or unobservant, it's not like he didn't understand exactly how he'd come across, he just doesn't care. 

But Sanzo. For some damn reason he has a hard time reading him. Maybe because Sanzo's two moods are indifference and anger: two things that are so opposite each other they shouldn't be reconcilable as two facets of one personality. He knows how to press Sanzo's buttons. He knows how to get him riled up. _That_ , he understands. But the deep thinking that always seems to be simmering under the surface? He's never been able to get a hold of that. Of course Sanzo would say he'd never be able to because he's just an idiot and isn't able to have a deep thought even if it fucked him until next Tuesday, but Gojyo knows better. 

He knows that he's not a total idiot. So why can't he read past the indifference and anger in Sanzo? It's not like there isn't more there. He's caught glimpses of it at times. Desperation. Gratitude. Sorrow. But they're so fleeting. 

The more important question, however, should be _why_ the fuck he cares. Sure, they travel together, but that doesn't mean they have to be bosom buddies. It's not necessary he knows all of Sanzo's deep, dark, fucked-up secrets. Sure, he's aware of a lot of them, and others he can guess just by the prickly personality and his response to touch. But for some reason, despite knowing that whatever situation might allow him to know the intimate aspects of what makes Sanzo tick would be traumatic for everyone, he still wants to know. 

And somehow, Sanzo is waiting patiently for Gojyo to think things through - he's allowing him time to try to figure out what Sanzo's after. The air is quiet between them. They both smell of stale cigarettes, and they can't seem to stop looking at each other. The gun is still very much a solid presence against his neck, but it doesn't actually seem threatening. More defensive. Sanzo is waiting for Gojyo. 

Oh. Maybe?

He squeezes a little tighter to Sanzo's wrist. "Wanna fuck?" His voice is rough and quiet. He should probably be asking what the fuck this all about instead of just assuming but-

"Sure."

His heart skips a beat and he swears that Sanzo will be able to feel it in the pulse they're sharing between fingertips and wrist. 

He wants to ask why now. Why, when he was denied not an hour or so ago. Why follow him out here and play this stupid mind game to get Gojyo to ask if that's what he wanted in the first place. Just, why. 

But Sanzo's said 'yes', and there are more important things for his mouth to attend to now. 

Sanzo tastes as he always does - like Marlboro Red's and something metallic, but fuck, his lips are soft. Gojyo's constantly trying to care for his - they get so chapped in the dry air of the Jeep, but where Sanzo's body is all sharp, boney edges, his lips are plush. 

Sanzo doesn't react except to slip the gun away back somewhere safer, but beyond getting rid of the immediate threat, he doesn't respond to the kiss - just lets Gojyo press his lips against his, trying to coax at least a little reaction, a little passion, out of Sanzo. He pulls away. "Thought you wanted-"

"I didn't say I wanted to makeout like teenagers," Sanzo glares at him. "You offered sex. That's what I agreed to."

"Shit, ever heard of foreplay?"

"Have you forgotten we're outside?" Sanzo hisses. 

"Yeah, and I just figured you were actually into the voyeurism aspect."

"Fuck you."

Gojyo pauses, another blasé, knee-jerk reaction waiting on his tongue. One sharp breath in through his nose lets him say, "Would you? If I asked?" instead. 

He can feel Sanzo tense under him, then purposefully relax as if to appear nonchalant. "Wouldn't that ruin your image?" 

"What image? That I'm addicted to sex? Think that'll probably only help."

He can hear Sanzo grinding his teeth and the glare he's giving him make Gojyo wonder if this is really what Sanzo wants, or if he's just pacifying him for some reason. "If you want to be dense about it, whatever."

"You think I care that much about my sexuality? You know what we do is firmly classified as 'gay' even if I'm not taking it up the ass."

"Could have fooled me. You're the one that told Hakkai you don't take men to bed."

"Shit, what?" Gojyo releases Sanzo's wrist to take a step back and really look at him. The beginnings of arousal he'd had, dissipating. "When the fuck did he tell you that?"

"We talk."

"About us?" 

"About you. Not about this. About how annoying you are, yeah."

"Come off it. Seriously? You two are discussing my sexuality? Hakkai should know better. I told him years ago I was bisexual. Pan. Whatever term you wanna use. I don't discriminate. I fucking told him _that_ because he had just woken up, bedridden, in a strange place with a strange dude. Didn't want to make him worry. It's called being considerate? You ever fucking heard of that?"

"Surprised you have."

"You did seem surprised the first time we rutted against each other so hard we came."

"I'm not an idiot. And you're not exactly subtle."

"Then why do you think I give two fucks about my 'image'?"

"Don't know. Guess I should have known better - if you cared at all what people thought you wouldn't be like _this._ " 

"Shit, you're a fucking boner killer, you know? If you want sex, maybe you should just shut up."

"I could say the same to you."

"Fine." Gojyo stops the whole argument with a kiss. If they keep fighting they'll never get around to sex, and that's all Gojyo wants right now - it's preferable to bickering. 

This time Sanzo kisses him back. Hard. His lips aren't so plush anymore because there's more teeth than cupid's bow; the annoyance at each other fuelling the harshness. But at least it's a reaction. Gojyo can work with that. 

He pulls Sanzo towards him by the hips, letting Sanzo reach up and grip his bicep roughly. That's what they're best at - being rough with each other. He doubts that they could ever manage to be intimate without it. Sanzo allows Gojyo to press him into the wall and then press his tongue past his lips too. 

There's a low rumble of arousal that Gojyo can feel in Sanzo's chest. God, if only he could hear that from Sanzo's mouth. He's tried so badly to make Sanzo lose control, but he's never managed it. Not yet, at least. 

"Shit, what do you want?" Gojyo pants out, grinding his hips into Sanzo's. They're both hard in their pants and the friction feels amazing. He'd be happy with just rutting like horny teenagers until they come. 

"Do what you want," Sanzo pants out, resting his head on Gojyo's shoulder. The grip on his arm tightens as Sanzo rolls his hips to meet Gojyo's. 

"Come on, can't you say it?"

"Shut up or I'll leave," Sanzo says. Gojyo doesn't doubt he would. He's been in a bad mood all evening, whether it's the headache or something else, Gojyo isn't sure, but it probably means that unless Gojyo can get him out of his head and make him think only about pleasure for the next few minutes, he probably won't stick around. He'd probably enjoy giving Gojyo blue balls. 

The problem is he's not very good at keeping quiet where Sanzo's concerned. He's just not good at keeping his mouth shut during sex, period. He likes to talk to his partners - likes to tell them how sexy they are, tell them exactly and explicitly what he wants to do, and praise them when they react like he wants. Sanzo hadn't complained the other times (aside from a few snide comments afterwards about his choice of words and a mouth that never stopped). 

Gojyo throws a glance towards the corner of the building. They're not very far back from the street, and although it's late and dark in the alleyway, if anyone was passing by it would probably be obvious that they aren't being chaste. Sanzo will probably kill him if they get caught. Although Gojyo doesn't care about being discrete, Sanzo has made it perfectly clear he does. 

Fuck it, if this is how he dies, it's how he dies. The promise of pleasure always wins over the threat of pain. 

He sinks to his knees. Sanzo watches him go down with a quick blink of confusion, but gets with the program quickly. 

His hand is in Gojyo's hair, twisting the crimson strands with his long fingers. Gojyo has an absent thought that perhaps Sanzo sees blood instead of hair, and for some reason, although it's still what he sees, he desperately hopes that Sanzo doesn't. It makes him pause, fingers on the button of Sanzo's jeans. 

There's the smallest tug that makes him look up at Sanzo's face. He's expecting to be refused again - he'd understand Sanzo not wanting him to do this where anyone could find them, but instead he's met with pink cheeks and parted lips. He looks... hungry? And aroused. Definitely aroused. Even in the dark Gojyo can see the dick straining under the jeans in front of him. 

"Didn't know you needed to think so hard about what to do. You have the experience."

Gojyo can't help but grin. He knows Sanzo's telling him to get out of his own head - it's just sex. That's all it is. "Yeah. You should know - I've done this to you before."

"Then what are you waiting for?" 

"For you to beg, obviously," Gojyo teases. 

"Never going to happen."

Gojyo doesn't bother to remind Sanzo about the last time they were together and little pleading noises he made as Gojyo had taken him deep down his throat on the cheap hotel mattress. Instead, he bites his bottom lip and finally undoes the button on Sanzo's pants. The zipper is strangely loud in the quiet between them and the silence of the deserted alleyway. 

Sanzo's hand leaves his hair so he can help push the top of his pants down on his hips so they fall open better. He isn't wearing any underwear, although that's pretty usual. 

Sanzo groans as Gojyo pulls him out of the confines of the denim. His dick stands proud - jutting out from his pelvis, hot and thick and engorged. It makes Gojyo's mouth water. Like he's said, he doesn't care about parts, all he cares about is seeing his partner in pleasure. But good fuck, does Sanzo's dick make him want. He's been intimate with it before, but has never really taken the time to truly take it in - their passion distracting them both from much more than primal needs. 

He touches it, watches it jump in arousal. He takes it in hand, slowly stroking from the base to the head. He can't see it too well in the dim of the night - the moon giving it just the slightest highlight of silver, but he still knows it well, knows how it feels and looks from the other times they've met. 

It's such a perfect size for his mouth. Not too thick he'll end up hurting his jaw, but enough girth that it still makes him drool around it and his jaw ache in that really good way. It's not too long that he can't deep-throat the whole thing, but long enough he still can still choke on him. It's uncut, not in the weird turtleneck way, but enough that there's a bit of foreskin to swirl his tongue under. It's almost perfectly even from root to tip, flaring just the slightest before the head, and it has just the slightest of curves upward that Gojyo has thinking about what it might feel like inside of him. 

It's perfect in his mouth and in his hand. Maybe it would feel just as good - better, even - inside him. It might be perfectly suited to hit his sweet spot. It's also just the most lovely shade too. The shaft is pale - a few shades lighter than the parts of his skin that get sun, but it has the loveliest blush at the head: a beautiful rosy colour that only intensifies as he gets more aroused. And the skin is so soft in his hand. What's that phrase he's heard women use before? Velvet over steel? Pretty apt metaphor, honestly. They're both pretty calloused - hands that have had years of intense work with weapons and have needed to adjust, not to mention the months of living on the road that hasn't been too kind to them either, but this part, the most intimate part of Sanzo that's so private, is such a silky texture. Seriously. A near-perfect dick. 

Not even mention the rest. Gojyo's never really cared about a guy's balls, they're there, sometimes get in the way, and sometimes give pleasure, but he's never thought of them as attractive before, and yet, with Sanzo, he wants to devour that part of him too - wants to press his nose between them to lick at his perineum. Thank god Sanzo has enough hygiene sense that he keeps the thatch of sandy-blond hair neatly trimmed because Gojyo might even be willing to take one of Sanzo's balls into his mouth if there's less risk of getting hair caught in his teeth (like that one unpleasant time back when he was sixteen). 

But the part of Sanzo that seems so strangely sexual to Gojyo is his hip bones (he won't get into the weird fuzzy feeling Sanzo's bellybutton gives him because that's bordering on a little weird even for him). None of them eat enough for all the exercise they get, even if they spend a lot of their life sitting in Jeep or sitting around in inns at night, so they're all a little undernourished, even Goku who packs away more than enough for three fully grown men, but Sanzo barely has an ounce of fat on him. He's all compact muscles, sinew and bone. He's got the loveliest 'v' from his hips down to his groin (Gojyo knows he's got the same feature too and he's caught more than one person drooling over it, so he doesn't feel too weird appreciating it on Sanzo).

But goddamn - those hips. They're narrow and boney and sharp, and Gojyo just wants to run his palms along Sanzo’s torso and feel the bump of the bones under his palms. He wants to feel them against the soft of his ass as Sanzo fucks him - that little bit of pain on the outside to go with the tingle of being fucked really rough. Shit. What's with him and thinking about Sanzo fucking him tonight? He would usually like to take the lead, but he's been craving the release that comes with submissiveness for a while now. Maybe he should just blame this one on Sanzo too. 

"Are you going to get on with it, or are you just going to stare at it all night?" Sanzo grouches, but he doesn't seem too upset by Gojyo gently fondling and admiring his dick. He's still hard as anything. 

"Sorry," Gojyo mutters, then leans in. 

He gives the tip the lightest of kitten licks, tasting the salt of his precum. It only makes him hungrier. He swirls his tongue around the head, tasting. He tastes sweet. It sounds ridiculous, even to Gojyo. He wonders if the shower he'd taken before reading his paper has something to do with it. He usually just tastes clean (which he does now too), but there's just that something extra. Maybe it's the sweetness of victory - having being denied earlier and finally having Sanzo follow him out for sex. Because that's what this was, right? Sanzo actually wanting sex from Gojyo and making the first move in the most fucked-up way he knows.

It doesn't matter. What matters is the heat and heaviness of Sanzo's cock on his tongue. He hollows his cheeks, sucking, trying to draw out just that little more taste from Sanzo's tip. 

Gojyo wishes he had the time to really lavish Sanzo's cock with all the attention it deserves - and it deserves a lot. It deserves a full hour of complete devotion where Gojyo's tongue and fingers get to explore all they want. Sanzo deserves to be given an hour of Gojyo's undivided attention: endless time where Gojyo tries to draw as much pleasure out of him as possible, tries to bring him to the brink and pull him back until he's panting and swearing that he can't hold out any longer without falling apart. (And then Gojyo would ignore him and continue until he fell apart.) But that requires time. And privacy. And probably a bed. None of which he has right now. 

He doesn't really want to make this quick, but that's probably what'll happen. Too bad. He really, _really_ , wants more. He's just not sure what the 'more' is besides more time. He presses one hand against Sanzo's pelvis, thumb resting downwards towards his balls, pressing hard so Sanzo's ass is pinned to the wall, and then takes him all the way down to the base in one smooth move. 

Sanzo makes a choked noise above him, but then lets out a deep rumble of approval. Gojyo melts at the sound, shoulders relaxing and throat going slack so it's easy to take all of Sanzo's dick. His knees would have given out if he was still standing. He makes his own noise of appreciation deep in his throat. Sanzo makes a tiny thrust so that he really is all the way down Gojyo's throat. He can't really breathe and it's _lovely_. 

Gojyo slowly pulls back, savouring the feel of Sanzo on his tongue. He pauses at the tip, swirls his tongue around it again, then dives back in, setting a slow but solid pace. He hollows his cheeks and sucks, and tries to press his tongue along the bottom of Sanzo's dick too to add extra pressure. 

"Shit," Sanzo curses with a breathy tone. God, but it's a beautiful sound. 

Gojyo keeps going, changing the angle of approach every so often so he can provide just the slightest bit of variation while still maintaining the pace and suction. Sanzo seems to appreciate it if the soft little sounds he making are any indication. Gojyo would prefer him to be a bit louder - he really enjoyed the one time Sanzo had cussed him out the entire time he'd been sucking him off, but he understands why they both should be a little more discrete out here. 

He knows he's good at this - he can deep-throat like a pro. (He's had enough experience on both sides of a blowjob to know all the tricks.) He also knows that Sanzo probably won't return the favour. He's never really seemed into sucking Gojyo off the few times he has. Handjobs? Yeah, he's a master at those. Got great, skillful hands. But he's a lazy bastard - probably hates the fact that it's more effort than he's probably willing to put in for Gojyo. 

He reaches down to palm himself through his pants. He's got one hand at the base of Sanzo's dick to keep it steady enough he can keep a good speed without anything catching on his teeth, so he's left with just his non-dominant hand to try to open up his pants. It's a bit of a struggle and eventually Sanzo pushes him back by the shoulder and tells him to "just fucking use both hands". 

He gets his pants open, pulls out his own dick, then dives right back in. Sanzo growls when he deep-throats him and then just stays there, swallowing around him. He knows Sanzo likes it. And he likes hearing Sanzo like it. 

He jerks himself off in time with the bobbing of his head, this time a little shallower so he can focus on the head. It feels good. Shit, it feels _really_ good. But while Sanzo seems to be climbing closer and closer to his peak, Gojyo seems to be sitting at a constant state of arousal. Not bad, but it's probably going to take a bit more extra effort to get him off. 

He needs something more. He's just not quite sure what. He reaches out blindly for Sanzo's wrist and brings it to his hair where it was earlier. Maybe if he had even just the slightest bit of interaction from Sanzo it might help? 

Sanzo at least gets the hint and curls his fingers into Gojyo's hair, blunt nails digging at his scalp. It's better, but still not quite enough, which is strange because what he wanted to tonight was sex with Sanzo, and that's what he has. He's almost always been happy with simply getting off with someone, it's never needed to be fancy (although he'll never say no to a bit of experimentation if it's offered). 

But then it happens. Sanzo must be getting tired of Gojyo just giving him those shallow swallows around his tip because he clenches with his hand, tightening enough that he actually pulls on Gojyo's hair, and Gojyo sees stars. 

The burst of pain at his scalp brings him right into the moment, and so very aware of Sanzo's hand on him, and his cock set between his teeth that's making his jaw ache, and the dirt under his knees pressing uncomfortably against his shins. His dick jumps in his hand, somehow excited about the pain of it all. Sanzo uses his hold on Gojyo's hair to drag him forward further onto his dick. Gojyo complies easily, letting Sanzo guide him until he's choking. His eyes start to water, and he can't even breathe through his nose. His own dick is rock hard and leaking. 

Fuck. 

He's never been much into pain play, not against it, but not really getting the same kind of pleasure from it that some do (although he won't deny he came ridiculously hard the one time that hot blonde smacked his ass red). But right now, that's all he wants. Why?

Is it because it's Sanzo? Is it because Sanzo's taking control? Or is it because that's what he should expect from Sanzo - just that little bit of physical violence? Maybe after all this travelling, all the shit he's gone through on this journey already, he's turned into a masochist. Maybe he _does_ like pain now. He knows he enjoys fighting youkai - the sweet burn of muscles being used and the tang of adrenaline that makes him feel high. Maybe he's learning to find pleasure in pain.

Shit. If that's the case, he's seriously fucked up. (A little voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Hakkai reminds him he's always been at least a little fucked up.) 

And you know what? It's all fucking Sanzo's fault. Again. This is ALL Sanzo's fault. 

Or maybe he's getting a little light-headed because he's still got Sanzo's dick shoved down his throat and is sucking and swallowing around it and it's so hard to breathe. His eyes start watering and he can't even remember what's supposed to be Sanzo's fault. Maybe nothing. He can't be blamed for anything when he has a dick as nice as this. 

He looks up at Sanzo in the cool light of the moon, and sees Sanzo looking down at him, a raw expression on his face. Sanzo catches his gaze and finally seems to realize that maybe he's pushing him a bit too far because Gojyo's eyes are starting to glaze over with little spots. 

Sanzo pulls him back by his hair and off his dick. Gojyo's eyelids flutter in pleasure. 

Gojyo blinks up at Sanzo, eyes damp, lips and chin wet, and dick leaking precum. He can see the rough, deep breaths Sanzo's taking. Maybe he didn't pull Gojyo back because he was worried he was suffocating him. Maybe he was too close to the edge. 

Gojyo leans forward to try to take Sanzo back into his mouth, but Sanzo yanks on his hair again to keep him back. He can't help the little whimper that escapes his mouth. Sanzo is looking down at him, perhaps finally seeing the state he's gotten Gojyo into, and Gojyo can see the hesitation in his eyes. 

He starts to remove his hand, but Gojyo's is immediately up there with his, pressing it back onto his head. He wants this for whatever the fuck reason. He only hopes Sanzo won't be a dick about it and refuse him just to piss him off. Sanzo gives him a hard look - eyes searching Gojyo's own as if he's unsure what to do. 

"Please," Gojyo says quietly. He doesn't like to beg, but fuck, he's a slave to pleasure. If this is what's doing it for him tonight then he'll damn well say 'fuck it' to his pride and beg for it. 

He licks his lips, waiting for Sanzo to give him what he wants: his dick and that tingling thrill that shoots from his roots to his toes. 

There's a pause, a held breath between them both and the silence of the night that compliments it, and then Gojyo can see it in Sanzo's eyes. That steel, uncompromising, determined look, and he's tugging at Gojyo's hair again. Except this time a little harder and definitely more deliberate. 

Gojyo whines in happiness again and falls forward back onto Sanzo's dick, mouth open and wanting. This time Sanzo keeps a firm hold on that one section of hair. It hurts, but fuck does it hurt so good. It's definitely pain, but just as equal parts pleasure, and the constant pull is only intensifying it. Each moment seems to overlap the next until the pain is slowly fading and instead it's just pleasure radiating down his body in hot rolls. 

And because he's more preoccupied with this new kind of pleasure and how it's jumping straight to his dick, Sanzo takes just that little bit more control and starts to thrust his hips forward, fucking into Gojyo's mouth. 

Gojyo goes lax, melting like butter. His throat relaxes and Sanzo has no trouble fucking deep. And because he's gone practically boneless, it's Sanzo's grip on his hair that's mostly what's keeping him upright - supported only by his knees and the upwards pull of Sanzo. 

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ ," Sanzo grinds out from clenched teeth. 

Gojyo wants to encourage him, but he's getting to a weird blissful state where things are heavy and fuzzy and floaty all at once. He's enjoying being used. The hand that's not on his dick is grasping desperately at Sanzo's leg and he wishes he could do something more to explain how much he's enjoying this. 

Sanzo angles his hips upward, thrusting up against Gojyo's soft palate and he almost gags. Apparently that's what does it for Sanzo - whether he's getting pleasure from shutting Gojyo up in a way he's never been able to before, from having complete control over him, or from just the spasm of Gojyo's throat around him, Gojyo isn't sure. He thrusts forward and cums, hot semen splurting into Gojyo's mouth and down his throat. 

Gojyo chokes on it a little, caught off-guard because he was too deep in pleasure to be aware of how close Sanzo was, but trying to swallow around Sanzo's pulsing dick while his hair is pulled even tighter has him cumming hard and fast too - splashing hot on the ground and the wall between Sanzo's ankles - his orgasm a bit of a surprise. 

When both of their orgasms subside, Sanzo finally pulls out and releases Gojyo's hair. Gojyo splutters a little, the cum he wasn't able to swallow dribbling down his chin. He coughs a little too, knowing he's going to be hoarse tomorrow but not feeling the pain of it quite yet. Sanzo doesn't even offer an apology, just sighs and leans back against the wall, head tipped up towards the night sky. 

Gojyo falls forward a little, forehead resting on Sanzo's thigh. He tries to catch his breath. Sanzo doesn't even push him off. Half a minute later, when he stops wheezing, he brings up one shaky hand to wipe at the mess on his face. His calves are numb and his scalp feels like it's on fire, but by the gods he feels amazing. 

He knows Sanzo won't allow them to stay like this for long, so he pulls back enough that he can tuck Sanzo away back into his jeans with trembling hands. Sanzo makes a grunt of thanks. Gojyo wonders if he's feeling as light-headed as he is. If so, he's surprised Sanzo is still upright. He tucks himself away too, uncaring of the mess he might make of his pants. He makes a few awkward, decidedly unsexy moves to turn around so he can sit on his ass and rest against the wall. 

Sanzo starts to slide down the wall to crouch next to him, but Gojyo rasps out, "watch out for my cum, man," and he moves to the right, further away from Gojyo, and rests on his heels, Gojyo's drying cum between them. 

He'd prefer for Sanzo to be sitting next to him - share heat and all that (and, yeah, okay, he's a bit of a sucker for post-coital stuff), but he knows that's never going to be on the table. 

Sanzo pulls out a cigarette from somewhere in his pants, lights it and breathes deeply. He doesn't even offer one to Gojyo and he knows Gojyo left the new pack Hakkai got him in the room. But he can't even gather his voice to ask for even just one drag. He's too blissed on one vice to ask for another. If he ever decided to quit smoking he'd probably need someone to replace his cravings with a good fuck. 

He kind of wants to talk to Sanzo about what just happened - they both seemed a little surprised by it. Sure, they've exchanged blowjobs before, but it wasn't anything like that. Wasn't in a public space where Hakkai or Goku could 'walk in' on them (although he's still positive both of them know). And Gojyo liking the pain Sanzo's offering? Out of freaking left field. But he knows that the last thing Sanzo likes to do is talk. Especially about private things like sex and pleasure. It's probably distasteful enough Gojyo knows he gives into the more human nature to fuck. He's been able to stay distanced by not doing anything more than just rutting, blowjobs, handjobs, and staying impersonal, so talking about what they both like in bed is probably out of the question.

Gojyo snorts at the idea Sanzo would even entertain the idea of discussing kinks and rummages in his pockets in the hope there's a loose cigarette he didn't know about in there. It's not like he particularly needs one, but he'd rather have something to occupy his mouth with so he doesn't end up saying something stupid. He doesn't find anything. 

"Spare a cig?" Gojyo finally gets the guts to ask. Better to keep things impersonal.

"Die." Sanzo grouches.

"Think you already gave me a _little death_."

"Of course Hakkai would teach you that one." Sanzo snorts. 

There's another moment of awkward silence between them and Gojyo tries desperately to think of something to keep Sanzo there next to him. Maybe he's not desperate for sex, but companionship? That sounds like something Hakkai would say. Maybe he's said it to Gojyo already? 

"So, what, you won't fuck me?" He accidentally says. He can't hold himself accountable. He's still full of endorphins from the orgasm (and the hair pulling). 

Sanzo huffs air through his nose. He takes another drag of his cigarette. "Outside? With no lube? I thought we went over this. No. Not my style."

"Too bad," Gojyo ends up saying, glad that he didn't royally screw things up. "Although I'm not opposed to it." Shut UP, Gojyo. He digs in his pockets again, hoping he can find that one last cigarette. Still no luck. 

"I can tell," Sanzo says dryly. "If you really wanted sex, Goku would have done."

"Yeah," Gojyo admits, not denying he sometimes has a little fun with the monkey too (he's pretty sure Sanzo knew that already too. Shit he's assuming lots tonight.) "But he's not what I was looking for."

"What, he too rough with you?" Sanzo asks, eyes flicking over towards him for a quick moment. "Or, not rough enough?"

Gojyo's stomach flips at that. Shit. Does he want Sanzo to know his soft spots? It's not like his love of sex is a secret - it's been used (but failed) against him a few times, but somehow Sanzo knowing this little kink that he's just realized tonight is maybe too intimate for barely-fuck-buddies. "He rough with _you_?" Gojyo asks instead. He has his theories about Goku and Sanzo's relationship. 

"Fuck off," Sanzo spits, then stands, completely tense. This time his tone is not just his usual cranky attitude. It had actual vitriol this time. His legs seem shaky, but his resolve is firm as ever. 

Shit. Gojyo's said some stupid stuff, but apparently that's the limit. He already knows that there's nothing he could say to keep Sanzo here with him. He bites his bottom lip to keep himself from saying anything that would permanently piss Sanzo off or refuse to have sex with him again. 

Sanzo throws him a dirty look as he brushes off the dust and bits stuck to his jeans. 

Gojyo really wants to ask him to stay. Begging worked just minutes ago to get what he wanted, but he doubts Sanzo would be as willing when he's not getting his dick sucked. He watches as Sanzo walks past him, then to the edge of the alley. He throws one more look over his shoulder at Gojyo still sitting on the ground, the anger at himself for pissing Sanzo off when they were actually having a decent moment overriding the endorphin high of a good orgasm. He probably looks pretty pathetic. And then Sanzo's gone. 

Gojyo buries his face into his knees and tries not to yell at himself for the shit he always does. He digs his fingers into his hair, hoping to bring back the feeling of Sanzo pulling at it, but even though his scalp tingles a little, it doesn't bring the same feeling. All he finds is that extra cigarette tucked behind his ear. Fuck. Where was it two minutes ago when he needed to stem his verbal diarrhea?

He lights it - the good feeling from sex almost completely gone in the cold wash of Sanzo's anger. 

He takes his time smoking and getting his feet under him, and then he follows Sanzo back into the inn. There's no reason he should sit outside and mope about things. Besides, if he stays out too long Hakkai might come looking for him and if Hakkai finds him in a sorry state like this, in an alley, he'll get a talking to. And he doesn't want to talk about this. Not until he figures out what the fuck is going on. What the fuck he wants. 

When he gets back to the room Hakkai and Goku are already asleep, tucked away in their single beds. Sanzo has stripped and is sliding into bed. Gojyo makes sure he doesn't look at him. (But he does, and he knows that Sanzo doesn't look at him, which is probably what pisses him off more.) 

He kicks his shoes off and goes grab his extra pack of cigarettes off the table - better to have them on his person so a repeat of tonight will never happen (well, there's ONE part of tonight he'd like to repeat). He tucks the pack into his front pocket - better than his jacket because then they'll be close by, even if they're in more danger of getting crushed. He picks up the small crane he folded earlier and places it into the ashtray. He's about to stub out the last of his cigarette and crash into bed. The glowing cherry of his cigarette glows in the dark of the room. He sets fire to the origami crane and watches it smoulder and burn. 

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been busy with life and travelling, so it’s been nice to get back to writing for fun. I feel like I’m rusty, so I hope their personalities have come across ‘true-to-life’. 
> 
> As always, I can never write something short, so there’s a few more chapters to come (the next should be up in a couple days). I figure it’s better to split it up than to overwhelm you with words.


End file.
